Stick insect reproduction - is it always asexual?

I am a proud owner of five Indian stick insects that I love dearly, and with this specific species, they are able to reproduce via parthenogenesis. I had assumed this was the standard for all stick insects, as, to me, it would make sense as an advantage. However, as a part of my 'The Science of Stick Insects' blog series, I wanted to discuss the advantages of asexual reproduction within stick insects, which is when I discovered that asexual reproduction is actually much less common than I thought, with only 10% of the approximately 3100 species being strictly asexual. Though this statistic makes it seem lower than it is, some species asexually reproduce in culture, especially when a female is isolated from a male, but even then, there is an extremely low hatch rate from the eggs that are produced.

one of my Indian stick
insects

For the species that I own, the Indian stick insect (Carausius morosus), they are asexual in culture and assumed to be sexual in the wild. This is only assumed due to how rare it is to find a male Indian stick insect, with roughly 1 in 10,000 being male. This is likely to be so low because without a male for sexual reproduction, the female cannot produce male nymphs, as their eggs are essentially entirely female. However, in my research, I discovered that stick insects can have andromorphic females, where they are much smaller and have other physical traits like those of a male, but are not true males. But this also means that they are, unfortunately, unable to reproduce at all.

I'll be honest when I say I'm somewhat glad to not have males, as, though they tend to be much smaller and thinner with longer antennae, they also have small wings. They, thankfully, have no function, but it would certainly make me uncomfortable in case I had a unique one which suddenly had the passion and ability to fly. I'm much happier with the females, despite them being much larger (10cm vs 7cm). They have much more of a colour variety (if you can say olive or brown is a colour variety) and have no wings, hence no chance of flying!

In terms of their asexual reproduction, I would say this is highly beneficial due to the basic reasons such as less energy, as they don't have to find another mate, and if they have a beneficial trait, they're able to pass it on essentially infinitely as they form clones. In my opinion, though, the greatest advantage is the rapid population growth since they don't have to wait for a mate. This is because eggs hatch in a range of two to six months, with only a small number of those actually hatching! Hence, being able to continually lay eggs without waiting for a mate is definitely one of the greatest advantages.

However, for every pro there is a con. Such as the identical clones, yes, it's super beneficial should they have a unique gene which makes them amazing compared to their fellow stick insects, but since they're all genetically identical, there's no variation. This means that a disease or environmental change could result in the species being wiped out. On the other hand, the environmental change could work in their favour, allowing them to thrive. Until they eventually overpopulate and have to compete with each other.

click here for source

On the other half of the spectrum, where a majority of the stick insects reproduce asexually, I'd like to focus on my favourite stick insect species: the giant prickly stick insect (Extatosoma tiaratum). This is a species is almost strictly sexual, except on occasion when no males are present. There is also a clear difference between the males and the females, with the males being much smaller and thinner, with long wings that allow them to search for females and flee from predators. Can you see why I have Indian stick insects rather than giant prickly stick insects? The females are much larger and much thicker - and, in my opinion, extremely beautiful - they can grow to about 20cm (compared to the males' 11cm). They also live much longer than males, they tend to live for about 18 months whereas the males live for under a year. You can somewhat see on the image, but the females also have wings; they are just too small for them to fly. If they were strictly asexual, I would love to own them, but I assume that they are within a species where they can reproduce asexually, but their offspring weaken every generation due to the lack of genetic variation.

Reproducing sexually obviously has its benefits. As mentioned before, genetic variation is a big pro when comparing the two methods. However, the obvious con is the energy and time spent trying to find a mate, especially considering the lifespan of males compared to females. I can imagine this isn't much of a problem in culture, but in the wild, I can imagine this is a big factor. There is also a problem within the giant prickly stick insect breeders in the UK, as they fear that inbreeding is weakening their stick insects, and so have started breeding with stick insects from abroad. It's nice to see people caring about their babies, but this is another reason why I couldn't have giant prickly stick insects.

Whilst they can also reproduce asexually, it isn't nearly as efficient. I believe that asexual reproduction is a last resort as, like I said before, this normally only occurs when there are no males present, but the time for eggs to hatch increases massively. When reproducing sexually, it takes approximately four months for eggs to hatch, but with parthenogenesis, it can take about nine months. This is an obvious massive difference, as it's about half of a female's lifespan and practically all of the male's.

one of my nymphs (old photo)

Now, if I had any control over how stick insects had evolved, I think the perfect way for them to be is to be mainly sexual reproducers. The genetic variation and reduced time required for eggs to hatch are the greatest pros; and if all species were to stay permanently fertilised (some species have 'sperm storage' and do not require constant mating like others), this would probably allow for the overpopulation of most stick insect species. But I believe that the way of most of these stick insects is the best, because even if constant mating is required, the asexual reproduction being the last resort is the best way to go about it, in my opinion.

Though in my eyes, even though my stick insects are all genetically identical, they are still unique to me, and I love them all equally.

My tips for the ideal chocolate chip cookies

A photo of when I baked about a million cookies for my boyfriend; half
regular, and half with Oreo add-ins

I would like to start this post by saying I am not a professional baker; I'm an amateur at best. However, I have been told by numerous people that the chocolate chip cookies I have made are the best they've ever had, so there are my credentials for this post. Though I can't take credit for the recipe, unfortunately, it was from a blog post I read months ago that I can no longer find or remember the name of. Wherever you are... thank you. My recipe has adapted since then, but the original base of the recipe and the tips in that blog post were extremely helpful to someone who hadn't baked since they were 7, and their idea of 'baking' was helping their gran grate the cheese for cheese scones. So hopefully my wisdom can be passed on to anyone reading this.

    What to buy

Whenever I make my cookies, I'll be entirely honest and say I normally use the cheapest stuff I can find. I have a Tesco ClubCard, so whichever butter is on ClubCard price, I buy (same for any other part of my recipe), or I will go to ASDA as they have the best range of items for a lower price. I can imagine Aldi prices are better, but my local Aldi doesn't have an amazing baking section compared to ASDA. Though I've never spent money on getting the more expensive ingredients, I can't imagine it would make much of a difference, and I think my cookies taste good enough that I don't care to try.

After an accidental purchase of a bag of dark chocolate and a bag of milk chocolate, rather than two milk chocolate bags, I've found that actually this combination makes the cookies taste much better - in my opinion, it makes them taste similar to Domino's cookies - and I had many saying they were the best I had made yet. So what was an annoying mistake that I thought would ruin my cookies actually improved them and has inspired me to continue to do the same in future!

Most recipes call for salted butter, but there have been a few times when I've gotten unsalted butter, as most recipes call for it, but I don't think it really makes much of a difference, as, at least for the recipe I use, I end up adding salt to it anyway, so it kind of balances out. Another thing about salt: the recipe I originally used said to use, I think, 1 tsp of salt? And whilst I enjoyed it, I had mixed opinions from everyone else who tried them, so since then I have just done a few twists of the salt grinder, normally enough to cover the surface area of the dough.

I would also say the different types of brown sugar make no difference. I think the recommended brown sugar for cookies is dark brown sugar, but I don't think there's much of a difference in my experience. This could be due to the fact I buy cheap; there may be more of a difference when you buy from more expensive brands. But I don't care enough to try; I bake for fun, not money.

I also would always see bakers using the flat-headed spatula things (see photo), and so I recently invested in one as they're quite cheap, but I'll be honest and say that I prefer using the fork overall. I find the spatula thing is efficient when mixing wet ingredients and maybe slightly more efficient when creaming the butter and sugars. But overall, I would say using a fork is just as efficient, as I end up using one anyway. I only really think the spatula thing would be efficient when baking a cake or mixing the apples and cinnamon in an apple crumble.

When I first started baking, I only had one large bowl, so I couldn't mix the dry ingredients separately, as most recipes say you should. Whilst now I do have a second, larger mixing bowl, I would say that I haven't noticed any difference in the flavour or texture before and after the switch. I don't know if I got away with it by adding all of the dry ingredients except flour first, then mixing, and after that, adding the flour in small amounts, but I would say there's no need to invest in a second large bowl if you don't want to. Though I would warn that the dough like triples in size as the flour is added, so beware of having the wet ingredients too close to the edge of the bowl.

    When actually baking

One of the things that annoys me most about baking cookies is the very first step: creaming together the sugars and butter. Especially since the butter must be softened. Something I've been doing recently is leaving the butter in the fridge (I'm from a family which normally leaves the butter in a butter dish on the kitchen bench), cutting it into small cubes (like in the photo), and leaving it to soften before beginning to bake. I still find it frustrating, but I have found it does work quite a bit better. I still hate creaming the butter and sugars.

Even in the photo there, I probably should have cut the butter into smaller chunks, but I hate the feeling of greasy fingers after touching the butter. It makes me feel so disgusting.

Another quick tip I would say is to have your brown sugar exposed to the air as little as possible. I try to flatten the top down as much as possible after opening, as I believe the reason brown sugar can end up clumping is due to the air or something? Will have to look into that at some point. Also, sometimes you may find extremely dark brown tiny clumps in your brown sugar - when I first saw these, I was worried they were dead flies or something - but they are completely normal and unnoticeable after baking.

When I bake my cookies, I never set a time - yes, it's usually between 8-12 minutes, but I use visual aids. How do I do this? Well, you want your cookie to be a similar colour to the dough in the middle, just more golden, with a browner edge. When you take them out of the oven, they will have a very doughy texture, and you may be tempted to put them back in the oven, but don't, or you'll overdo them! Unless you like to break your teeth on cookies... But after letting them sit on the tray for 5 minutes, they should take form, and then I use a proper metal spatula to move them to a cooling rack (I use a clean air fryer rack... no judgements here, please).

dough balls with added choc. chips

Something which stumped me when I first baked chocolate chip cookies was that you couldn't see the chocolate chip cookies after baking. My solution? Add them manually. When I first started baking, I would add chocolate chips individually to each of the dough balls, but this is highly time-consuming, so my new method was to take them out about halfway through, when they're flat but still liquid-y. I will attach two photos of either method; I tend to mix them now. My routine when baking is rolling the dough balls until I have both trays in the oven, then I continue to roll more dough balls until I've either done half (when I'm doing half with add-ins and by this point, I'd be doing more mixing), or until I've finished, which is when I start adding chocolate chips to the dough balls. During this process, I'm constantly checking the cookies currently in the oven to see whether they need chocolate chips added (if none were added before) or if they are done baking. This method is highly efficient for me, and whilst it isn't the best looking, it means that I can sit on the settee for the last few trays. I'll attach photos of my two 'methods', but god knows how Blogger will end up arranging them.

Please note that when I do the method of adding them part-way through baking, I take them fully out of the oven. Be super careful about touching the dough and the chocolate chips after they've touched the dough/tray, as I have once been burnt getting a bit of melted chocolate stuck under my nail that I couldn't rinse off in time. It hurt so much because of where it was! So make sure just to kind of drop your chocolate chips wherever, and be careful if they fall off a cookie and you try to retrieve them. Also, sorry for how poor the photo is that I used!

Here is an example photo of what to look out for. You see the cookies in the red/straighter line? They're perfect. You can sort of see that they're either entirely pale, or have obvious edges of a darker, more golden colour. The cookies in the blue/squigglier line are overdone. They still taste just as good, but you kind of break your teeth on them when you bite into them. They're a much darker colour and sort of a musty brown all over, rather than a nice golden colour, especially the left one.

I hope this acts as a good visual aid for people!

I hope this blog was at the very least an interesting read for people, if not helpful. I had a lot of fun writing it, and baking is one of my favourite hobbies, as well as being a useful skill! I hope for more people in the world to discover how much of a relaxing hobby it can be, whilst having something delicious to reward you with both during the process and afterwards!

The A-Level Results Day experience

This Thursday was finally A-Level Results Day. I wasn't really feeling nervous at all (aside from very few sporadic moments of crisis) until the few days before it - likely because there were more and more people around me bringing it up. It didn't help when everyone was so sure I would get it. While, yes, it was nice to know that they all thought so highly of me, it was making me think more about what would happen if I didn't get in. I couldn't help but feel like my only option was to get in, or I'd have let everyone down; I wish everyone had just said they wished me luck and would support me no matter the results.

I also had a major problem on Results Day: I hadn't been able to hear out of my ear since Monday evening.

Mostly (entirely) my fault, as - for some backstory - when I shower, I normally tip my head to the side to let the water run into my ears (which I know you're not meant to do), but for my left ear, it wouldn't run out when I tipped my head to the other side; I would have to essentially force it out. So I decided to use my handy earwax cleaning tool and started cleaning my ears (which I know you're not meant to do). I did my right ear first, as I knew the left ear was going to be the real deal! But when I started, I wasn't getting much, so I started going further into my ear. Which is when the wax became compressed against my eardrum. Bugger. So I massaged the side of my head to loosen it (?), and I could hear again! So I went back to it. Same problem again; no worries! Only there were worries. I couldn't undo the damage I'd done.

So I started using Otex olive oil drops, and I saw online that it was going to get worse before it got better, but I thought, surely it would be better for Results Day! It was not.

Enough of my gross ear troubles; I have an appointment booked for Tuesday to get it sorted, thankfully.

Actual Results Day arrived, and I woke up at a crisp 5:50am - no alarm, just natural wake-up! So I decided to redo my hair. I, surprisingly, didn't feel sickeningly ill about receiving my results like I did when I got my GCSE results. But I was annoyed as my family wanted to leave at 7:15am for my college, which is 20 minutes away. So, surprise surprise, we got there at 7:30ish. To my surprise, though, we could already queue up for our results. My friends arrived with their families shortly after me, but wouldn't push in front of the people to get their results with me. Whatever, I guess... It just meant I got to celebrate me getting into my dream university on my own, since my parents couldn't stay in the queue with me by that point.

When we were finally let in, I was annoyed to see that W, X, Y, and Z were all grouped together, whereas every other letter was singular. I understand doing it for X, Y, and Z, but why W? Anyways, didn't take too long, and I was out, waiting for my friends. It was annoying waiting for them; I wanted to see my results and get it over and done with, but their queues would have been bigger because they didn't come join me near the front. Anywho, we finally opened them, and all got into our top choices! Happy days! Next step was to go out to Newcastle to take advantage of the Results Day freebies. Only we couldn't. Most of them were lies.

The first freebie we got was the Urban Outfitters free photo-booth strip, and they also made a keychain for us, but I think anyone could have done the photo-booth, as they said the system was overridden for the day. All you had to do was press the "ok" button - easy as pie! I will be scamming with that next year.

Our next stop was Krispy Kreme - we had tried for GCSEs and gotten rejected, so we thought we would try again for A-Levels. Rejected again. It was only for university graduates in May. Oh well, I can try again in 5-ish years!

Another 'freebie' which actually worked was the Nando's "spend £8 and get a free starter or 1/4 chicken", which was absolutely delicious, and also came really quickly! We tried not to eat so much food to save room for our next, and final, freebie stop. Kaspas.

For anyone who is cursed enough to not know what Kaspas is, it's the most beautiful dessert shop with the most delicious and fattening-ly sweet menu. I was stuck between a chocolate waffle and plain cookie dough, and I went with the cookie dough. We saw online that they did 40% off for any order over £20, so we were super excited! We got to the counter to only be disappointed. The discount is a LIE. Though we do get a consolation 10% student discount, which I didn't know was a thing! I'll have to take more advantage of that in future. We then had a 50-minute wait for the train.

It wasn't all bad, though. Yes, it was annoying that most of the freebies didn't work, but I had a great time with my friends celebrating our success and shopping for when we start university! I bought a new jumper, cardigan, and cap. I also had a Hollister parcel coming that day with a jumper, Talia top, and skirt - they were all very cute, and I bought them in hopes of me being able to wear them to university! So, thankfully, I'll be able to. The jumper I bought whilst out was also another variant of the one I had ordered online. I also ended up buying a third version of that jumper on Results Day, as I was given some money from family for my results. I was, and still am, so pleased!

When I went home, I immediately started clearing out my wardrobe to make space for my new pieces, and also to hopefully gain back some money for university, even if it's only a little bit. Though, I already spent a bit more money today whilst volunteering, as at the Barnardo's charity shop I'm at, there were two Hollister tops and a Stradivarius top they were going to donate, so I asked to buy them. My manager was nice enough to give them to me half price! I only wanted one, was debating the other, and wanted to sell the last, but now I'm set on selling two. It was only £4.33 for all three, and I thought it was good of me to give money to the shop I work at - I have never seen Hollister in the charity shop before (or Stradivarius for that matter), so I was pleased with the purchase! I hope I can get a couple of bob for the two pieces I want to sell, along with everything else!

So, overall, I would say I had a very successful Results Day. I even made a fun little video about me getting onto the Newcastle pharmacy course, and I've had loads of girls texting me about them joining too! I'm so excited; hopefully I'll be able to stay friends with them during my course, or at least keep in contact with them.

RVS mix ups

 I first applied to volunteer with the Royal Voluntary Service on the 24th of June (this year) and was quickly accepted. Eager to start, I immediately finished all of my online training modules the next day, and so I got an email saying I would shortly hear from Volunteero about starting - great! Only I never heard from Volunteero. I got so confused that I started doing more online modules, as my app still said that I had to complete "Hospital Specific Training", so I thought I had missed something. I did this for a month, until I gave up and emailed the team who managed the online training. The Hospital Specific Training is done in person.

I was never made aware of this, so I started trying to contact them about how I never received a follow-up email, but I didn't know which email to contact. So I googled it! I emailed them, and very quickly got a response. We went back and forth until I discovered:

I had emailed the wrong RVS.

I could never have comprehended or fathomed that there could be two RVSs. I had contacted the Rushmore Voluntary Service rather than the Royal Voluntary Service. I'd never even heard of the former. I felt so bad for wasting that poor worker's time. So I tried contacting the RVS again through the app.

Coincidentally, this week, I started getting calls from unfamiliar numbers, so I ignored them and their voicemails! A week went by, and still, I heard nothing back. So I contacted them again. I received a phone call again from an unfamiliar number, and decided to be brave and answer. It was the RVS employees ringing me the whole time. I felt soo bad! I was so scared that they would hate me for it, but hopefully not...

This Monday was my first official day volunteering with the Royal Voluntary Service (if we don't count the fact that I had a short taster session last week), and I honestly didn't expect it to go the way it did. I knew I would learn a lot in my shift, as it's an entirely new role to me. I'm a retail café volunteer, so there's a lot of serving coffees involved, and I have no idea what each coffee name actually means. But oh my lord, I learnt soooo much more than I expected.

I had just thought this shift would carry on similar to my taster session (where I was just using the coffee machine to serve drinks), but with the addition of working the till a bit, maybe. But I was wrong; I was using the till for practically the whole shift! I'm not complaining too much, though; it was a good experience to interact with customers. It was much busier than my taster session was - though my taster was in the coffee shop and I was in the café on Monday - but it just meant I had more of a chance to gain experience! I think the most popular coffee out there must be a cappuccino, because I feel as though that's the one coffee I'm constantly making! I also made my first ever caramel iced latte. I've never had one before and had no idea what went into them, but it was actually really easy to make, and I also made my first two smoothies - one was blueberry with some other fruit, and the other was mango, passion fruit, and some other stuff. Not my cup of tea, but it didn't look too horrid, and it gave me a chance to use the blender.

My least favourite task was restocking. I enjoyed restocking the drinks as I could easily spy them, but as soon as I had to start looking in boxes for things, my life was a horror.

At one point, I was asked if I could bring back some 12oz cups. I had no idea what size that was, but thought I remembered seeing somewhere that they were the size of small cups - luckily, I knew where they were as I had a look for decaf coffee beans in the storage cupboard earlier, so I knew which box they were in! They were sooo heavy, so I struggled to load them onto my little trolley when I had the thought to ring and check the size small were the 12oz cups. I'd rather ring and ask than manoeuvre the trolley all the way there, and have to take it back if I was wrong - it's a pain to move for reasons unknown to me; maybe I'm the problem? Anyways, the 12oz cups were NOT the small ones; they were regular. So I moved another heavy box, trying to turn it to see what size they were. Wrong size again. They were 18oz cups. My back was in AGONY at this point, but I was determined to find them. I saw a box that was slightly open on the side, but it had other boxes on top. So I had a feel of the open gap, and it felt like bags of stacked cups. "Hallelujah!" I thought. I was wrong. I moved the boxes off the top, which were only a little bit heavy, and moved this heavy box onto the trolley where I could have a look in. It was plates. I put everything back, and with my back feeling as though I snapped my spine from heaving those heavy boxes around, I headed back to the café with my tail between my legs to let them know I couldn't find the 12oz cups. Thankfully, I wasn't being stupid; a senior staff member went to have a look, and they were mistaken, and the 12oz cups were only in the downstairs storage. Easy mistake; at least the storage room hasn't killed me! Yet.

The end of my shift was quite easy, in all honesty. I spent a lot of it chatting with the other volunteer who was there - she came up from the coffee shop - and then I helped to tidy up the café and seating area when most people had left. I also took advantage of my free hot drink! I obviously had to get a hot chocolate as, unfortunately, I'm not a massive hot drink lover, and I only like hot chocolate. I used a pan and brush, but for the first time, I used a brush that was longer than, like, 15 cm- it was weird to use compared to the little hand ones, so I wouldn't say I'm fully used to it yet. I'm lucky enough to be on the 'closing shift', so I was able to take home food which would otherwise be thrown away! Every day I prevent food waste is a good day. 

Everyone I've met at the RVS so far is lovely! I really like my boss; she's really kind considering how many stupid mistakes I make, which makes me feel much better about it - I think this is really helping to boost my confidence for the workplace. I also spoke to her about the fact I'd be going to university, and sort of asked if I could be a 'seasonal' volunteer, where I only come in when I have holidays (since they aren't open on weekends), and she said yes! So I was very pleased with that.

I would definitely recommend anyone looking to gain experience to volunteer with the Royal Voluntary Service! There are a lot more roles than just Retail Café Volunteer - which is one I eyed up since I already volunteer in a charity shop, and hopefully it will give me some experience I can use when applying to coffee shop jobs and such! I think it'll also double as practice for pharmacy, as I'm getting experience speaking with customers, even if it is something as basic as sorting coffees rather than prescriptions. I really do enjoy it though, and since I'm a volunteer, I can just pick my own hours since there aren't many people there - at least where I am. It's also weird to me because I'm the youngest one there! The person closest in age to me there is 54. But it is nice; I get to work with loads of nice women - I don't think any men volunteer there from what I've seen on the rota. I look forward to volunteering in future, and gaining more experience!

Book Review: 'Wuthering Heights' by Emily Brontë

 My Rating: 4/5

Genre: Gothic fiction

Books remaining in my physical TBR: 31

A man, Lockwood, moves to an isolated English moor and rents a manor known as Thrushcross Grange, meeting the grim landlord Heathcliff, who resides in a neighbouring manor called Wuthering Heights. Lockwood returns home and asks his housekeeper, Nelly Dean, about the history of Heathcliff and the former residents of Wuthering Heights, which Lockwood documents in his diary.

I'll be honest: I ended up enjoying this book much more than I thought I would. It took me about a month to read, as, unfortunately, after I began reading it, I fell into a reading slump. I've been reading it alongside 'The Wedding People' on my iPad Kindle app, but neither of those stories could draw me out of the slump. Thankfully, in the last few days, I've been greatly motivated to read! So, whilst I doubt I'll be able to finish the rest of the 31 books I have in my physical TBR by the end of the summer, I am only 1 book away from catching up to my reading goal. I should be at 14, but I'm currently only on my 13th, and I have an itch to reread some books.

I didn't really enjoy the first few chapters of the book - I will explain more in detail when I get into the 'spoiler section' - but I'm glad I pushed on, as the later few chapters were much more enjoyable to me. The book I was reading was, I believe, published to replicate how Brontë herself published it, where it was released as three volumes - with two being for Wuthering Heights, and the last one being for her sister Anne's story called 'Agnes Grey'. 

From here, there will be spoilers

The first volume touched on Heathcliff's childhood with Catherine Earnshaw. From when Mr Earnshaw (Catherine's father) first brought Heathcliff home with him, and after his passing, when Heathcliff had to deal with Hindley Earnshaw's (Catherine's brother) abuse. I really did not enjoy this half in all honesty; I couldn't stand any of the characters, they all annoyed me - though I think that was what Brontë was going for? Even though I had seen through Lockwood what would become of Heathcliff, I still hoped he would have grown to become much nicer throughout volume one, sort of like the typical stories where the abused child rises above it and becomes better from the experience. If that makes sense? I do think it's understandable for an abused child to grow to hate the world, but I hoped that, since this was fiction, it wouldn't be like that. Catherine also annoyed me in how she claimed to love Heathcliff yet married Edgar Linton. I know her brother disliked Heathcliff, and I'm going to be honest and say I'm not really aware of the rules surrounding women and their choice in who they marry. It was just so unfair on Edgar for her to marry him, and for her to spend most of her time in Thrushcross Grange in misery over Heathcliff!

I felt great sympathy for Isabella - the sister of Edgar Linton - with Catherine exposing her crush on Heathcliff, only for him to go and exploit that so he could marry her! And for what? So he could neglect her for the fun of it? I'm not going to lie, I can't remember much of Heathcliff and Isabella's relationship, but I was so pleased when she was able to get away. One of the only bearable characters, in my opinion. So unfortunate her offspring was insufferable.

Volume two was my favourite part of the story. Whilst I know the novel was sort of focusing on Heathcliff and his haunting from Catherine, I really enjoyed all of the drama which was happening in these later chapters. Cathy (daughter of Edgar and Catherine - Catherine passed shortly after Cathy's birth) was insufferable in earlier chapters, which made sense to me as she was an annoying tween/teen, which I was probably exactly like her, if not worse at that age. But she is fictional, and I am not. Around this time, I mainly was 'reading' it using audiobooks, as it meant I could crochet during it, so it made me feel much more productive. I chose a dramatic reading on YouTube (find it here). Whilst the voice actors/actresses were brilliant, some of their voices really irked me, which I think added to the experience and reflected some characters well. Especially Linton Heathcliff.

Linton was the son of Isabella, who ended up dying and sending her son back to live with Edgar, but unfortunately, the tyrant Heathcliff soon came to take his son. He had the most insufferable voice and character. He was brilliantly written by Brontë if her goal was to make him as annoying as possible, but I was so happy when he finally passed away. My only dream is that he had died earlier in the book. I was so annoyed when he deceived Cathy! He was nothing but horrid to her. I was so stressed that Edgar would die alone when Heathcliff had captured Cathy and Nelly in Wuthering Heights. I think Linton was insufferable to begin with, but I can't believe Heathcliff was able to make him even more aggravating! 

Another thing that confused me, which I think is more of me being ignorant of laws surrounding women of the time, was when Edgar died, and Heathcliff quickly came to tell Cathy she was to move to live in Wuthering Heights. Surely this was not written and set in a time when women were still classed as property? Though I suppose there was no one there who could really fight back against him anyway, I really don't understand why Heathcliff enjoys inflicting pain on others that was once inflicted on him.

I was so happy during the last few chapters when Nelly was reunited with Cathy, and also to learn that Heathcliff had died! I hadn't even considered that at one point the two timelines would overlap, as all I knew about Wuthering Heights beforehand was all because of the controversy around the new film; I had no idea it even moved onto the next generation after Catherine and Heathcliff. I also only knew part of it due to Kate Bush's song 'Wuthering Heights', which I assumed she had written after reading the book, but apparently she either never finished it or only read the blurb! I am unsure of which, but it's still a beautiful song, in my opinion.

The final chapters of the book were my favourite. I was so worried that Cathy and Hareton - who I forgot to mention before, but who is the son of Hindley, and about five years older than Cathy - would have an unhappy ending. I think my favourite character of the story was Hareton; he was clearly a man of bad temper due to his surroundings of his awful father, and then being taken from Nelly and placed under the care of Heathcliff. I think Cathy and Hareton are the only two characters I actually liked, though Cathy is slightly lower in the rankings due to how often she insulted Hareton! Though I can kind of understand that she was probably just trying to have some power over the place where she was captive, I still felt so sorry for Hareton! It was not his fault he was never taught to read. But this is why the last two chapters were my favourite; I thought it was so cute when Cathy was finally teaching Hareton to read! 

I was worried this book would follow the trend of a lot of classic books where they had a sour ending, but I was so happy to see that Cathy and Hareton were, hopefully, able to break the small cycle of abuse present throughout the novel, and I was so happy to see that they would be getting married at the end and moving back to Thrushcross Grange! Yes, I am ignoring the fact that Cathy is cousins with Hareton and Linton, as I am assuming this was normal at the time. But no, I don't support cousins marrying cousins - especially since they are aware they are cousins and address each other as such!

This book was so brilliant, and I definitely recommend that they read it, or at least to listen to the dramatic reading I linked above on YouTube; I thought it made the book much more digestible and enjoyable. It likely made volume two easier as well, since so many characters had the same name, or their names were surnames, as in the audiobook, I could differentiate them by their voice.

Pre-Results Day thoughts

This Thursday is a day I have been both dreading and looking forward to for months. Thinking about it has made me feel ill from the moment I sat my A-Levels. The fact that these exams can determine how the rest of my year or even life will go is so nerve-wracking. Throughout Year 13, I was confident in myself as I consistently achieved above the grade requirements for my dream university, but now I have that nagging feeling of what if I didn't do enough? I'm sure this is a common feeling amongst other people, but I just think I really didn't do sufficient revision for my A-Levels. Despite everyone telling me that I did, I still have that feeling as though I definitely could have done so much more with my time.

I keep trying to remind myself that it's not as though this is my last and only chance to do anything in life; there are a myriad of routes to getting into the sort of career I want to do, but this is still one of the easiest parts and would be a massive setback. I know my life wouldn't be over from this, but I would feel like it, and I would feel as though I would have let everyone around me down - on top of how embarrassing it would be. I know whatever happens on Thursday is a collection of my efforts during my time at sixth form, and I feel like I did all I could - but what if it just wasn't enough? And not all universities accept resits, and my sixth form doesn't always do a Year 14 for resits. I'm just so anxious about things not working in my favour.

I had the exact same feeling for GCSEs, and I think I did very well in them, if I do say so myself, but what if this is different? The people around me always say I'm being silly when I say these sorts of things, and I'm worried I come off as sort of an attention seeker when I say things like this, but I feel like I can't help it. I don't want to get my hopes up for results day, and so I feel like I just have to assume the worst. Even though I know that, realistically, it wouldn't make much of a difference in how I feel. I'm sort of split; a part of me fears the worst, but another part of me is saying it'll all be okay and I'll do amazing. The annoying part is I won't know which part of me was right until I receive my decisions. I truly hope it's the latter, and I'll get into my dream university, so I can have an easy and positively memorable day.

This was quite a short, negative post, I know, but I just sort of wanted to get my thoughts out before results day, and I don't think many people will read it, but if they do and are awaiting their results as well, I hope it maybe made them feel better about how they're feeling, or comforts them that they're not the only person thinking the way I do.

The Bowie experience (Absolute Bowie)

My view from my original seat

One of the most annoying things about being a newer Bowie fan is that, since he's dead, I've never had the opportunity to see him perform live, and I never will. Obviously, this is a major first-world problem, but I always thought that, even though he was British, I doubted anyone would ever do a tribute to him or come up to the north of England if they did. However, as luck would have it, an advert came up on my Instagram feed for the Absolute Bowie tribute concert, and so I immediately wanted to go. A problem with this, though, was that no one I know really likes Bowie, aside from one friend and my boyfriend. So I asked my boyfriend first, and he said it was a major maybe due to his unknown schedule in the army, so I asked my friend. Unfortunately, she couldn't afford to go and wouldn't want to let me pay for her, and then she would pay me back. So I thought I'd kind of hit a wall there. Until I got to thinking, looked at the timings of the show, and decided that I would brave it and go on my own.

Being a legal adult and also wanting to practice being more comfortable spending time with myself, I thought it was a brilliant opportunity, and so I booked my ticket and trains ready for the big day. Since then, my mam has asked if I want her to go with me literally every time I bring it up. Whilst I appreciate the offer, I know she's only doing it because she feels bad for me, as she's one of those people who doesn't believe that someone can have a good time on their own without feeling and looking like a loser. She did a similar thing when I wanted to go to the Backrooms movie, and whilst I thought this would be a great experience for us (despite me wanting to go on my own), she was obviously bored and spoke loudly quite often. So I'd rather not have a repeat of that, as I want to be able to sing and dance freely. Not that I dislike my mam, but I didn't think it would be the space for her because she has claustrophobia, so would want to sit at the back, which would likely have a terrible view and also has no seats left (plus, I'd already booked my seat in the middle).

My day started off well - I got to the station early, so I had time to park my car on the other side and walk to the correct platform. I parked on the other side so that I didn't have to walk too far to get to my car whilst it was dark and I was on my own - and also so I don't have to spend so long in the cold!

When I crossed over, I was confused because the train was there and like ten minutes early, and normally trains to my station are, normally, about ten minutes late. Some guy who was lingering by the doors then started talking to me about how we can't get on or something? I couldn't understand him and also missed half of what he was saying as I had my earphones in when he started speaking to me. So I went up to the staff, and they told me that the train was meant to leave about forty minutes ago, but there were some signalling issues further up the track, so there were lots of backed-up trains. They were nice enough to let me on anyway, even though it wasn't my train. I felt so lucky, as after getting on, the train started moving! Then it stopped after about ten feet. Then it started moving again! I was happily texting my mam and boyfriend, relieved that my worries were behind me, and I would get there just on time!

I was so wrong.

The train stopped at Sunderland, and I found it weird that no one started getting on after people had finished getting off. Then one of the workers made an announcement that no more trains were going to Newcastle. So I asked her if there were any metros to Newcastle. Nothing. Nothing was going to Newcastle. This spiked my anxiety - I have been dying to go to this show for months, and I can't because of some stupid signalling issues? Just my luck! But then my parents suggested I get an Uber. He was stressing me out a bit, though, as he drove in the opposite direction, then stopped, so I worried, thinking I had done something wrong, but then he started driving to my pickup point, and I was so relieved. Now that I am typing that out, I wonder if he had someone else to drop off before picking me up, and that's why he went the way he did.

He was a really nice driver; he picked me up next to a Greggs, so he asked if I wouldn't mind if he got something, and also offered to buy me something! As much as I love Greggs, I didn't want to waste his money, as it was a no-outside-drinks-allowed type of venue, but I thought it was so nice of him to ask! He was one of the nicest Uber drivers I've ever had, and got me there right as doors had just opened! I got in easily; I basically had the restrictions memorised and kept my bag minimal. My seat was booked right in the back, but like right in the middle too! So I had a really good view. But then, I heard the workers speaking to people near me and moving them to different seats, so I thought maybe they were confused and in the wrong seats. But then they came up to me and offered to move me closer to the front for free, so I obviously said yes! I got such a good view - my seat row went from AA to, I think, E or F?

The show started slightly later than 19:30, but it was a great opening. I'm going to be honest and say I can't remember what he opened with, but just know it was good. I can remember some of the songs he played - for example, I was surprised he did All The Young Dudes - I know Bowie is the original, but to me, that's a Mott the Hoople song. The first half finished less than an hour later, as it was all of Bowie's 70s hits. Then the second half moved over to the 80s. The closing songs were Space Oddity (all the way back to 1969!) and Heroes, though he completely missed out the first half of Heroes, which confused me. I also can't remember him singing the last verse of Young Americans, which is my favourite part of the song! I felt quite silly halfway through the first part too, as I noticed that no one else around me was singing along, which, for me, was the whole point of me going! I can't understand people going to shows like that and NOT singing along! People were sat with stone-cold faces, like they weren't watching such an amazing tribute artist? Yes, I did continue to sing along, as I spent like £35 on a ticket that was not going to waste.

The show finished a bit before 22:00, but it was hard to get out as, for some reason, people were deciding to have reunions in the middle of the aisles. It was also disgusting the amount of plastic cups which were being left at people's seats - I always have the thought that if you can carry it full, you can carry it empty! It also confused me because when drinks are empty, you can stack the cups and carry them with you much more easily. It's obviously not as bad as leaving rubbish outside, but those poor workers! They shouldn't have to have harder jobs to make up for people's laziness.

I then waited in queue for about twenty minutes to get a photo with the guy who was doing the Bowie tribute - he was actually such a nice guy! Other than when he asked if I had seen the real Bowie live - surely I can't look that old? Unless I made him feel old because I replied saying I was 7 when Bowie died. I was really pushing it for my scheduled Uber home time, but he pulled up about five minutes after I got to the pickup point. Another canny bloke, he was a proper Geordie - makes sense since it was Newcastle.

the infamous photo

When I got home, it felt so relieving to have something to eat and do my whole bedtime routine. I didn't even have much makeup on, but I don't know how to explain it other than my face felt caked with makeup? I had a beautiful sleep, and when I woke up, the Absolute Bowie Instagram account had reposted my stuff four times - with two of them being the same photo! This surprised me, in all honesty, as I didn't think my photos were very good - my phone camera looks like found footage compared to my friends' phone cameras! But it felt like I had my ten minutes of fame. If a tribute artist for a dead singer can make you famous.

Overall, though, I thought the show was insanely good! For even casual fans of Bowie, I would definitely recommend this experience; he goes all over the UK and Europe - even recently doing an Australia tour! I would also say the tickets are reasonably priced for what you get - there were way more costume changes than I expected! He also sounded exactly like how I remembered Bowie sounding in his interviews; he really nailed it! He also had an amazing show presence and was quite funny. But obviously he would be good considering he's been doing it for twenty years - his vocals were insane!

Marine week beach cleans & litter surveys

 For about two months now, I've felt desperate to take part in a beach clean. I have no idea why. I think it could be because I'm interested in joining Newcastle University's Beach Cleaning Society - which I hope they're continuing next year. I remember they messaged and asked if I was interested in applying for a role in their committee, as no one had applied for one of them (I can't remember which), and if no one did apply for it, then they wouldn't be able to continue as a committee. So hopefully that didn't happen! I did try to apply, but since I wasn't an actual university student, I wasn't able to do the application - for a bit of context, I did tell them I hadn't joined yet and was just interested in joining in my first year, but they said that I should be able to apply still if I was definitely sure about joining. They haven't made any posts since March, so I am worried the society no longer exists!

Even if this was the case, my sixth form sent an email to everyone (including the Year 13s) a few months ago about volunteering opportunities with the Durham Wildlife Trust, which is when I saw that they had organised local beach cleans. I'd signed up for all three of the ones that are in my town - one being a regular beach clean and the other two being a part of Marine Week, so they include litter surveys. I was lucky enough to be able to snag a spot doing a litter survey for one of them. I'd never done anything like this in my life, and it was an extremely valuable experience, whilst also being a great way to give back to my local community!

I discussed the non-Marine Week beach clean in a previous post, so I'll just be focusing on the other two in this one. For the first beach clean, I opted to do a litter survey as well. This worked by basically marking out a 100m section of the beach, where only people doing the litter survey would be litter picking. I was grouped with these two really nice women; they were picking rubbish whilst I made a tally of each individual item they picked up. It was so tough because at times they were getting so much rubbish that I could hardly keep up - especially with nails. I kept mishearing the numbers they were saying due to the wind, and I felt so bad! But then there were also times when we couldn't find any rubbish in an area. However, this small section of beach had an insane amount of rubbish! We got to the end of the 100m to find what we thought to be a burnt vehicle, as well as lots of rubbish clearly from people who had a barbecue or campfire of some sort. Their bags were heavy by that point, so we had to drop off their bags (and we also handed in the survey as it had been the hour allotted for it by that point) and returned to clean it up. It's absolutely disgusting to see the remains of people having 'fun', when they're clearly just being scruffs. I genuinely don't understand how anyone can think it's appropriate in any way to leave rubbish lying around. It's so upsetting to see how people can disrespect our planet like that. From this beach clean, there were a total of 22 bags! I keep overfilling my bags and making them heavy; it's an art I haven't perfected yet.

The next day, I had an evening beach clean - I opted not to do the litter survey this time as I wanted to get straight into picking! The side of the beach I went to didn't have nearly as much rubbish as the beach from the previous day, but I'm assuming that's because the beach on this day was much larger. I was still able to fill my bag on the way there and back, which I shouldn't be able to do at all - my weirdest find was a pair of socks, for everyone who was wondering oh so much - but it was nice to see how much cleaner it was compared to the other one. I'm not sure if it's just because the weather hasn't been as nice to attract large crowds to the beach or what, but I hope it continues to get cleaner. I never understand how people can come to the beach to enjoy themselves, whether they're tanning, building sandcastles, swimming in the sea, or just running around. But they clearly like nature enough to immerse themselves in it, so why can't they also clean up after themselves? They don't have to clean up after others, but imagine how much nicer the planet would be if people just cleaned up after themselves! I don't even think the problem is a lack of bins. When I was in Paris earlier this month, I usually struggled to find a bin, but I just carried my rubbish because I'm not lazy, and the streets were so clean (especially compared to London). At this beach clean, we managed to get 13 bags, which isn't too bad considering it was a shorter session! Someone also found bits of a burnt car that had gone over the cliffs, and also an old sign.

All of my recent beach cleans (as well as people on Instagram Reels and TikTok) have inspired me, in all honesty. If other people aren't going to do something about the planet, then I will. So I invested in a cheap litter picker - it came on Thursday, which is when I realised its main intention is for people with mobility issues, allowing them to pick things up from places they normally can't reach, but I think it can still be used for litter picking. It's a foldable one too, so it would be ideal to carry in my bag as it's actually quite long! I think about 32 or 33 inches. My first little pick was cleaning up all of the rubbish from outside my house and on my street. I live on a main road, so I can imagine that on top of the rubbish just being from lazy people, it's probably also from losers chucking rubbish out of the car window as they drive past.

As someone who lives on Earth, I think doing these small things like not throwing your rubbish on the floor, recycling properly, and doing big things like organising and attending local litter picks are steps in the right direction towards not only making local areas look more aesthetically pleasing, but more importantly helping the local wildlife. This is something I've recently become obsessed with. There are lots of xenophobes and racists going about painting and hanging flags about, claiming it's because they love their country, and, don't get me wrong, I love my country too, but I think the best way to go about that is to actually do something to improve your country rather than blaming innocent immigrants. I don't want to get too political, as this is not what I want my blog to be about, but I think if people truly loved their country, it would be a lot cleaner, as people would actively take pride in their local area and do these beach cleans and love the people around them rather than ostracising them and posting rubbish on Facebook like a loser.

I know my post kind of went into a ramble off topic, but the recent rise of Reform/Restore UK has really upset me, as most of their voters don't understand their whole ideology and focus on this one "stop illegal immigrants" thing, which is absolutely ridiculous in my opinion; immigrants are and always have been the backbone of this country. The people posting about these sorts of horrible ideas are also normally the same ones who throw rubbish out of cars and leave the local area looking horrid; so-called patriots.

I think the actions of organisations such as the Wildlife Trusts are so incredibly important. In speaking with the girl who organises and leads these beach cleans, I found out that the information from these litter surveys is being sent to the Marine Conservation Society. They're trying to push for things such as being able to earn money from recycling items the proper way - which has been happening in places such as Australia and the USA. This is the only thing I'm going to discuss, as it really stuck out to me. I think a lot of people don't recycle as they don't see the point, as it's just more work for something they don't see the results of (though they should still be doing it; this is just what I think the cause is). By introducing this sort of thing, I think it would make a massive difference to the whole of the UK, especially in underfunded areas. Being able to have another way to earn a bit of side money is something I think a lot of people have been looking for - which is why I think the likes of Vinted, Depop, and Facebook Marketplace are so popular. People only really want to get rid of things if they'll have a monetary reward from it, and it's something I completely understand.

I know my post kind of went quite political, but I really wanted to be able to get my thoughts out into words, and this is my blog, so deal with it. I hope my efforts from litter picking build up over time - I'm certainly signing up for any local August beach cleans; I'm just eagerly awaiting them to be uploaded (I have been promised that they'll be uploaded by the end of this week). I've even debated signing up for a fence repair session on August 2 (the day this will be posted), but I'm hoping to save my back to finish de-weeding the rest of my garden and for volunteering. I hope this post has also inspired more people to sign up with their local Wildlife Trust! I've met some lovely people in the few sessions I attended, and it's one of those things where you don't have to do something every week; you just sign up for what interests you, and I think it's also a great way to gain some experience. They don't just do litter picks; they also do the aforementioned fence repair sessions, invasive species management (like balsam bashing), and lots of social events. So overall, I think this is a great volunteering experience that everyone should get involved with - though you do have to be over the age of 18 to apply, but you can bring people under 18 with you.